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Wedding Vows
Your wedding vows are quite
possibly the most important words you and your partner will every
say to each other. These are the vocalizations of your deepest
feelings and commitment towards each other, spoken for all those
present to hear. What you say during these few moments of your
ceremony should convey your love for each other, as well as your
obligation toward each other and your relationship.
Most couples prefer to use
traditional wording as the basis for their vows, then customize here
and there to suit their personalities. Others wish to write
their vows from scratch, preferring their own artistic renderings
rather than someone else's words. However you wish to proceed,
we hope you find some helpful information below.
Traditional:
The term traditional wedding
vows is actually misleading, since it implies that there is a
written set of words that comprise a traditional vow, and all you
have to do is add your names. While it is true that
traditional vows may follow a similar format, the wording varies.
Here is the most common, with Lisa as the bride and Michael as the
groom (feel free to use your own names):
I, Lisa, take you, Michael, to be my lawfully wedded husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for
worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to
love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us
part.
I, Michael, take you, Lisa, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and
to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
Non-Traditional:
Wedding vows have evolved over the past few
decades from slight variations of the above traditional vows to
spanning the range of whatever a couple wishes to say. While
some clergy may wish you to stay within a framework they have
already set, most are willing to work with you to add your own
personal touches. For those having ceremonies outside of an
established religious institution, the options are limited only by
your own imagination!
When sitting down to write marriage vows,
most couples do it together. I'm sure we've all seen the movie
or TV clips of the groom standing at the alter totally clueless.
Hopefully, by collaborating and contemplating the vows together,
major catastrophes should be averted. No one wants to have the
newlyweds starting their married life together with a huge fight
over the content of the vows.
Vows can take the form of a pledge, as in
the more traditional type, a special passage from a book or poem
that is meaningful to the couple, or just a few words about your
feelings for one another. You can even choose to say
completely different things. Here are some examples:
I, Lisa, promise to love you, Michael, for all my life, to
take care of you when you are sick, lift you up when you are
down, and to always listen more than I talk.
I, Michael, promise you, Lisa, to always love, cherish,
and support you, and to listen and speak with my heart.
or for a more lighthearted vow....
I, Lisa, promise to never nag you, never to embarrass you in
front of your friends, and to never make you go shopping on
Super Bowl Sunday.
I, Michael, promise to never roll my eyes at you, never to
leave my wet towel on the bed, and to never make you go shopping
on Super Bowl Sunday.
Some of the most popular passages from
literature that are used for weddings are:
Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.1
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Love is patient and kind;
love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or
resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the
right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things. Love never ends.2
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being an Ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old grief's, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.3
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Intreat me
not to leave thee,
Or to return from following after thee:
For whither thou goest, I will go,
And where thou lodgest, I will lodge.
Thy people shall be my people,
And thy God my God.
Where thou diest, will I die,
And there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
If ought but death part thee and me.4
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your home,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And the light of friendship guide your paths
together,
And until we meet again,
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune, Rich in
blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness from this day
forward.
May green be the grass you walk on.
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
And when eternity (can use God here) beckons, at
the end of a life heaped high with love,
May you know the hand of a friend was always
near.
And, today, may the Spirit of Love find a
dwelling place in your hearts.5
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there are three lives before you: his life,
her life and your life together.
Go now to your dwelling place to enter into your
days together.
And may all your days be good and long upon the
Earth. 6
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
I
love you, not for what you are, but what I am,
when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of
yourself, but what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring
out.
I
love you for putting your hand into my heaped up
heart and passing over all the frivolous and
weak things that you cannot help seeing there,
and for drawing out into the light all the
beautiful and radiant things that no one else
has looked quite far enough to find...
I
love you because you have done more than any
creed could have done to make me good, and more
than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch,
without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what being a friend means after all.7
References:
1. from "The Passionate Shepherd to His
Love" by Christopher Marlowe
2. from The Bible, Corinthians 13:4-8
3. from "How Do I Love Thee" by
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
4. from The Bible, Ruth 1:16-17
5. Irish Blessing
6. Apache Wedding Prayer
7. from "I Love You" by Roy Croft
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